What the hell?
by Dr.BadAss Is In
Summary: Crys wakes up one morning and feels like something is off and why is she in a bed with Lucifer also why is Michael in bed with Kate?


Crys groaned and clutched her head as she sat up wearily. She looked around the room and saw she was in a motel. When she looked at the alarm clock it read 7:29 Wednesday. Crys threw her legs over the edge of the bed and ran a hand threw her hair.

"You ok?" A voice asked as someone kissed her neck.

"Yeah" She turned and jumped when she saw Lucifer.

"What the fuck are you doing?!" Crys exclaimed standing up.

"What?" Lucifer asked confused. Crys looked behind him and saw Kate and Michael asleep in the other queen bed.

"KATE!" Crys barked. Kate groaned and sat up along with Michael.

"What?" Kate muttered. Crys glared at her and then she noticed Michael in bed next to her.

"Ahh" Kate yelped falling out of the bed.

"What the fuck!" Kate shouted.

"YOU TELL ME" Crys called back.

"What's wrong?" Lucifer asked.

"WHY THE FUCK WAS I WITH YOU?!" Crys shouted.

"I am so lost" Michael stated.

"You're my mate maybe" Lucifer said snapping himself dressed.

"HE'S MY MATE!" Crys pointed to Michael who looked confused.

"What now?" Michael asked.

"If this is some cruel joke well done" Kate said standing up.

"No one's joking with you babe" Michael replied.

"Don't call me that" Kate scowled at him.

"Why?" Michael tilted his head.

"Only he can call me that" Kate pointed to Lucifer who was equally confused as Michael.

"Kate what the fuck is going on?!" Crys hissed.

"I don't know" Kate replied harshly.

"Can you please explain what you two are saying" Lucifer stressed.

"I am not your mate for starters" Crys looked to him.

"I'm his mate and that's your girlfriend" Crys pointed to Kate and Michael.

"I'd remember if I was dating Kate" Lucifer scoffed.

"We have been dating for 2 years!" Kate shouted.

"No we've been dating for 2 years" Michael corrected her.

"Oh my god they've gone insane" Crys muttered looking between the two archangels.

"Crys calm down" Lucifer said.

"Woman do not tell me to calm down! Last night I went to bed with Michael then I wake up with you saying I'm your mate and Michael is dating Kate!" Crys barked at him.

"Where is everyone else?!" Kate demanded.

"Everyone separated don't you remember?" Michael replied.

"That I remember but I'm going to throw up" Crys said.

"You ok?" Lucifer asked standing up.

"Back the fuck off woman" Crys stepped away from him. Lucifer raised his hands and sat back down.

"We're going to hell come on" Crys grabbed Kate's arm before zapping them to Alastair's room in hell.

"ALASTAIR!" Crys shouted turning his attention away from his victim.

"Yes?" Alastair asked.

"We need to ask you some questions" Kate stated.

"Go ahead" Alastair put down his knife.

"Who am I mated to?" Crys asked.

"Michael" Alastair replied.

"Who am I dating?" Kate asked.

"Lucifer. Why?" Alastair asked.

"I woke up in bed with Lucifer this morning and he said I was mated to him. While Kate woke up in bed with Michael who said they have been dating for 2 years" Crys summed up.

"That's fucked up sis" Alastair shook his head.

"At least we're not crazy" Kate muttered.

"We need you to come back with us and slap some sense into them" Crys said.

"Anything to punch those dicks" Alastair grinned. He turned back to his victim for a second.

"I'll be back soon. Don't go anywhere" He smirked before following the girls.

"Take your time" The man called after him. Crys brought them back to the motel room where Michael and Lucifer were still confused.

"Are you ok now?" Lucifer asked Crys.

"Who is your mate?" Alastair asked him.

"Crys" Lucifer replied before Alastair punched him in the face.

"God that felt good" Alastair grinned.

"What the fuck?!" Lucifer exclaimed.

"You stay away from my sister. And you stay away from Kate" Alastair addressed them.

"I thought we went passed the whole 'I hate you for mating with my sister' phase?!" Lucifer said.

"You are not her mate. He is" Alastair pointed to Michael.

"I'M NOT MATED TO ANYONE!" Michael yelled.

"Woman do not make get Death down here" Alastair growled at him.

"Call Gabriel" Kate suggested. Crys nodded and closed her eyes sending out a silent prayer to the archangel.

"Yes?" Gabriel asked appearing in the middle of the room.

"Gabe who am I mated to?" Crys asked him.

"Lucifer" Gabriel replied before Alastair hit him with a chair.

"Who is she mated to?" Alastair asked again.

"She's mated to Lucifer!" Gabriel said before he was hit again with another chair.

"Get me another angel" Alastair looked to Kate who called Castiel.

"Cas who is Crys mated to?" Kate asked him.

"Lucifer" Castiel replied before Alastair hit him with a chair.

"Stop hitting us!" Lucifer exclaimed.

"Do you want to end up on my rack?" Alastair threatened.

"Get me Crowley" Alastair looked to Crys who called him.

"Hello darling" Crowley greeted.

"Gabriel, Castiel you may go now" Kate looked to them.

"Crowley who am I mated to?" Crys asked him.

"Feather brain over there" He gestured to Michael.

"So all the angels have amnesia or something?" Kate asked.

"Why?" Crowley asked.

"Lucifer thinks I mated him" Crys replied.

"We are mated for the love of dad" Lucifer sighed. Alastair conjured up a frying pan and hit Lucifer over the head with it knocking him out.

"Harsh much?" Crowley laughed.

"Ok Michael what do you remember from last night?" Alastair turned to Michael.

"Going out to a bar with Kate then we came back here" He said cautiously backing away from Alastair.

"Ok Crowley bring me a Winchester" Alastair looked to the demon king.

"With pleasure" Crowley grinned before disappearing. He came back a few seconds later holding onto Sam and Dean who were confused.

"Why is Lucifer on the floor?" Dean asked.

"I'm going to ask you both two questions. If you answer them wrong you are coming back to hell with me. Got it?" Alastair growled. They both nodded furiously while Alastair smirked.

"Ok question number one. Who is Crystal mated to?" He twirled the frying pan in his hand.

"Lucifer" They both replied.

"Who is Kate dating?"

"Michael" They answered again.

"Welcome to hell boys" Alastair grinned.

"What they were right!" Sam defended.

"I AM NOT MATED TO LUCIFER!" Crys shouted.

"I AM NOT DATING MICHAEL!" Kate yelled at them.

"Drag them to hell or something" Alastair looked to Crowley who nodded and gripped their shoulders before disappearing.

"Ok now what do I do with dipshit over here" Alastair turned to Michael who was eyeing him.

"Take him to hell or something" Kate sighed.

"He's not going to hell" Crys muttered. They stayed in the room another hour before Lucifer groaned and stood up.

"The fuck?" He muttered clutching his head.

"So glad you could re-join us Lucifer" Alastair grinned.

"Maybe the frying pan to the head knocked some sense into him?" Kate suggested.

"Hopefully" Crys glared at him.

"Lucifer who are you dating?" Alastair asked him once he stood up.

"What?" Lucifer asked shaking his head to clear his vision.

"Are you with Kate? Or are you with Crys?" Alastair questioned.

"Crys" Lucifer replied before Alastair knocked him out again.

"Right I'll be back in a few minutes with Death and dad" Alastair stated before he left.

"If you know anything you better speak up before Alastair drags you to hell" Kate glared at Michael.

"I swear I am not mated to anyone we've been dating for 2 years Kate!" Michael said seriously.

"Hearing that from him is killing me slowly" Crys muttered.

"Yeah well it's making me sick" Kate commented. When Alastair, Death and War appeared Lucifer came to and shakily stood up and made his way over to the chair.

"Ok Alastair filled us in and we have no idea what's going on" War said.

"At least tell me you're on our side" Crys begged.

"Last time I check you were mated to Holier-Than-Thou over there" War pointed to Michael.

"I agree with War you were never mated to Lucifer under my watch" Death added.

"Thank god their sane" Kate sighed in relief.

"However we looked into the minds of your 'friends' and saw they believe the same as Gabriel and Castiel. To them you are mated to Lucifer and you are with Michael" War commented.

"Does that mean I get to drag more people to hell?" Alastair asked.

"No and bring the Winchester's back" Death glared at him. Alastair sighed and snapped his fingers making Dean and Sam appear in the middle of the room.

"Can we go now?" Sam coughed. Death stepped in front of him and pressed two fingers to his forehead making him collapse to the ground. They waited for a few minutes and were thankful when he woke up.

"Dean?" Sam looked to his brother.

"What did you do him?" Dean looked to Death with a pissed of expression.

"Sam I'm going to ask you a question and you will answer it honestly do you understand?" Death said ignoring Dean.

"Yes" Sam nodded sitting down.

"Who is Crystal's mate, Lucifer or Michael?" Death asked.

"Michael" Sam replied.

"We'll it appears this was God's doing yet again" Death rolled his eyes.

"I'm going to kill God" Crys growled.

"I'll have Pestilence and War fix the others while I have a chat with my brother" Death turned to War.

"Why can't you do it?" War whined.

"I'm a busy person while you and Pestilence do nothing all day" Death snapped before disappearing.

"Well you heard the man get fixing" Crys said to her father.

"Shut up" War glared at her before fixing everyone in the room.

"God is a cruel person" Kate shook her head as War knocked Michael and Lucifer unconscious. Half an hour later Michael and Lucifer woke up along with Dean.

"Oh please be sane" Crys said crouching in front of Michael.

"Crys?" Michael asked shaking his head.

"Yes" Crys replied.

"What happened?" Michael questioned.

"What do you remember?" Crys asked.

"We were at our apartment about to go to bed when I got a headache and then I woke up here" Michael replied.

"Oh thank god!" Crys said throwing her arms around his neck.

"What?" Michael asked confused.

"You're sane" Crys laughed before kissing him deeply.

"When was I insane?" Michael tilted his head.

"All morning" Crys replied nuzzling into his neck.

"Lucifer's sane how bout Michael?" Kate asked.

"All good over here" Crys said.

"Why are we here?" Dean asked.

"Alastair will bring you back" Kate said before kissing Lucifer.

"Please explain to me what happened before I start freaking out" Michael looked to Crys.

"God has a weird sense of humour is what" Kate answered.

"He has a sick sense of humour" Crys mumbled before kissing Michael again.

"You'll explain later right?" Lucifer asked Kate.

"Yes I'll explain later" Kate laughed.

"Oh god I left my victim alone again!" Alastair shrieked before disappearing to hell with Sam and Dean.

"Thank god for Alastair and Death" Crys praised. Michael looked at her weirdly before everything came back to him.

"WHY THE FUCK WAS I IN BED WITH KATE LAST NIGHT?!" Michael shouted.

"Oh god he remembered" Crys muttered.

"What?" Lucifer asked.

"KEEP YOUR GIRLFRIEND AWAY FROM ME!" Michael shrieked.

"Calm down" Kate rolled her eyes at him.

"NO I WILL NOT CALM DOWN!"

"Babe I will explain later just sit down or I will get Alastair's frying pan again" Crys said taking hold of his hand.

"Evil Kate" Michael muttered glaring at her.

"Stop glaring at her" Lucifer said.

"You're lucky I don't kill her" Michael replied.

"Ok shut up both of you" Crys snapped.

"Fine" Michael sighed. After Crys and Kate explained everything to them they sat down and waited for their reactions.

"….." Michael and Lucifer remained silent.

"I'll get the frying pan" Kate muttered going to the kitchen area.

"Get that thing it will be the last thing you'll ever do" Michael growled.

"Do not threaten my girlfriend" Lucifer barked.

"I will if she gets that fucking frying pan" Michael retorted. Lucifer glared at Michael who was glaring at Kate.

"Ok are you two done fighting?" Crys said.

"Yes" Lucifer replied.

"Do not speak for me" Michael said.

"Michael if you don't shut up you will never have sex again" Crys said sternly. Michael rolled his eyes and lay down on the bed with his eyes closed.

"Are you going to sleep?" Kate asked.

"No" Michael sighed. Michael got an idea to piss off Lucifer and Kate smirking at the thought. Crys eyed him knowing he was thinking of something evil. Crys was walking over to the chair between the beds when Michael pulled her down on top of him.

"Let me go" Crys narrowed her eyes at him.

"Nope" Michael grinned before kissing her. Lucifer quirked an eyebrow at them while slowly backing away to the door.

"Michael" Crys murmured against his lips giving him an opening to slip his tongue into her mouth.

"Eww" Kate whined. Michael grinned against Crys' lips and moaned when he felt her tease him through his jeans.

"Get a room" Lucifer huffed.

"We are in a room" Michael replied before kissing along Crys' neck. Lucifer zapped him and Kate away from the two before Michael and Crys continued with their sinful act.


End file.
